Thank you everyone for your prayers. I am most likely through the worst of the physical part. The mental part, not wanting the pills, but knowing the person I was on the drugs and admitting my part in it is horrible. It's liberating and horrid all at the same time. That third day proved to be the worst because an awful situation happened with Howard that resulted in him being out of the home, and I have to admit my part in it. On this forum it's always been poor little me. Not ever admitting that I was more than just a victim. So it's time to grow up. I'm not going to go into the details, but suffice it to say that I see myself now with clarity I believe, and I see Howard. I see Howard as not the cause of all my problems, like before, but a hurting child of God that is a product of his environment and in need ever so much more than I imagined. Howard being sent to another facility in the long run turned out to be of benefit to him, all God's plan once we stop running. Howard was put in a position where he had to choose to succumb to his disability, or stand up and learn to live again. Well, he stood up. Literally.
Two years almost to the day, he stood, in a standing frame. Before that he had refused any therapy and treatment and was hanging onto COPES out of fear that he was nothing more than an invalid. He chose to let that go, and he says that he now feels like he has a purpose. He is no longer afraid. Sometimes the people that love you most (me and others, but me) enable the disability. His words. So he needed me to let go. So he could learn to be who he is meant to be. Without being held in a box. So, I'm sure there are more bumps, but this is such a positive step. He is smiling with genuine pleasure in his face and especially his eyes.
Thank you Lord for answering our prayers and not always giving us what we want.
Amen.
