Sister Dorine, what has been so strong in your understanding that you can understand the truth about Romans 7?
It's been a journey. I've always wanted to know the truth about everything not just someones opinion or theory or what sounded, looked or tasted good. Or at least I thought I did.
I don't ever remember anyone preaching about Romans 7 when I was young but comments were made to the effect that it was the experience of the converted. I could relate because that is exactly what was happening to me. My heart wanted to do what was right but my flesh got in the way and I would yield. Then guilt, shame, confession and repentance would follow only to repeat it again and again. I was most "wretched" for sure but I was convinced that this is the way it would be until the end. The main thing was that I was sorry, and repentant. That took care of everything and I was covered with the Righteousness of Christ. (but I was not at peace)
In 1998 I became very ill. The heart specialist diagnosed me with blocked arteries and a damaged heart. I watched the tests he did on a monitor and he explained to me where the problems were. I was so ill that I could not function at all. The pain was always with me. I could not eat or even drink water without pain and exhaustion. I knew I was dying. I could feel my life forces ebbing away.
During this time my highest concern was my relationship with God. All of a sudden my understanding of my walk with God was not bringing me assurance or peace. I had to know where I stood with Him. I could not hold a book to read except a small paperback of Step to Christ. That's all I did for about a week in between Dr. visits and hospital trips. I begged God for assurance of His salvation to me. I agonized with Him and as I read that beautiful little book eating every word; he started talking to me...... "Dorine, I need your heart. Your whole heart. You are holding back things that I need to carry for you. You are afraid of things that you need to give to me. I love you. I gave my life for YOU so that you can have peace as you abide in Me."
Then I read this question in the chapter on repentance. "How shall a man be just with God?" Acts 2: 37, 38....Repent! But Lord I do that every day. The next paragraph hit the nail on the head.....
"Repentance includes sorrow for sin and a turning away from it. We shall not renounce sin unless we (see) it's sinfulness: until we turn away from it in heart, there will be no real change in the life."
"There are many who fail to understand the true nature of repentance. Multitudes sorrow that they have sinned and even make an outward reformation because they fear that their wrongdoing will bring suffering upon themselves. But this is not repentance in the Bible sense. They lament the suffering rather than the sin."
This was the first step in a true relationship with God that grew and grew as I continued reading this little book that I had read so many times before. But now it was like a brand new message to ME alone. I read about the difference between Esau's confession and David's. A light began to shine in my heart and I understood. I could (see) it for the first time. Thank you God I prayed as tears of relief ran down my face. Why have I not understood this before? Now I found myself thanking Him for the illness I was now experiencing because it was this that brought me to the foot of the cross in humble total surrender.
You may be wondering what this has to do with Rom. 7. Well nothing and yet everything. During this illness I was not even thinking about Rom. 7 but when I was confronted with Rom. 7 again it was this experience that started to unravel it for me. (Remnant on Line brought it to completion.)
Each night hubby would hold me and pray out loud until the pain eased and I was able to fall asleep. Then one night I was as low as low could be. I knew that if I didn't get to emergency I would not see the light of a new day.
To make a long story short.....I spent 5 days in ICU while they waited for an appointment in the Columbus Ohio Hospital to do a heart cath. If it had turned out bad they would have taken me into surgery right away.
Well just so you know the rest of the story my tests showed everything was normal. Come to find out I was suffering from severe acid reflux and as soon as the appropriate medication was prescribed I was a new person. It's almost embarrassing to tell but it was far more embarrassing for my cardiologist because he happened to be the top cardiologist in that hospital. Even my daughter who works in a Canadian hospital in cardiology said this Dr. is well known and respected even as far away as Canada.
Wow what a God. It may have been the only way He could get my attention.
Many years later I heard about Remnant on Line and joined. What a blessing it has been to me. Then I came across the topic of Rom. 7. I began to scan everything that was presented. That is when I once again picked up my thirst to know the truth on this topic. I knew that what I had experienced many years ago through my illness and what I had read in SC did not fit the popular teaching on Rom. 7. But it was hard to let go of. I tried every way to make it fit somehow. What ever the outcome I had to know the truth. There was no one thing that convinced me. It was a constant reading of what was said here and the bible and SOP and prayer. I stayed in the background while all of you discussed back and forth. We never know the effect discussions are having on those that are silent on RO.
So how is my illness connected to Rom. 7. Only this......When I gave my heart completely to God and began a new journey with Him I was no longer "wretched" and doing what I hate or doing what I don't want to do. When I do sin guilt leads me back to God and although my heart is full of sorrow for the pain I have caused my Saviour I do not experience that "wretchedness" that Rom. 7 is talking about.
The only time I feel that "wretchedness" is when I have taken my eyes off Jesus and am going my own way.
I'm sorry Richard. I'm sure you didn't mean for such a lengthy answer. I hope it makes sense because much has been left out.